i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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