we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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