I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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