I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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