I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
