Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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