and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
