I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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