it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
