I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I wear drunk well.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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