god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
