I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize