i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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