Where did you get a picture of my penis
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
