While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
