i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
