White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
it's great music for shaving your balls
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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