He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
