I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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