This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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