You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
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