I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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