Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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