Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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