Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
