Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize