So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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