Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
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