My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
