No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
