Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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