you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
