i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
