well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
