Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Randomize
