I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
