You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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