You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I came so hard my ears popped.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
