White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
