Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
