Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
