so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
