new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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