just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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