I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
