Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
