don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
