there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
