Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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