I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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