but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
