This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
