She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
the raccoons are back...
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