I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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