just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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