The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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