Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
