not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
