my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
