my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
