Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
