you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
