so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
