he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
