I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
