YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
