How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
