WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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