Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
