Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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