I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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