I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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