This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
