i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I made him laugh his dick is mine
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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