Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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