found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm always down for nudity.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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