When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
