Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
