you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
