We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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