I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
