There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
