the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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