I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
