May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
