need another drink. this is the easiest way
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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