where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
